


R/Ridiculous

by phoenixwings



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Social Media, Victor is Extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9598415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixwings/pseuds/phoenixwings
Summary: I [32M] have to do laundry twice a week now because my husband [28M] keeps wearing my clothes, but I don’t want to ask him to stop because he looks so good in them. What should I do?Yuuri glanced over the replies, most of which were some variation of “please stop posting these, you’re clogging up the feed”. Yuuri smirked as he wrote his own response.Buy more clothes.-quadflipkatsudonIn which Yuuri leaving his laptop open somehow leads to his husband being ridiculous on Reddit.





	

Yuuri scrolled through r/relationships, as was his habit. He still wasn’t a social media addict like his husband or most of their friends, but after he retired he had started reading online advice columns and forums, and eventually even started posting in the comments. His replies on r/relationships were always upvoted, which Yuuri still had trouble understanding. Apparently, he was much better at giving other people relationship advice than managing his own love life. Then again, he had managed to marry his childhood idol, so somewhere along the way he did something right.  
  
He scanned the posts, seeing if there were any that jumped out at him. Several on the homepage today were quick responses — he could tell from the titles alone that the only proper response was going to be “your boyfriend is terrible, leave him immediately”—and the hundreds of comments on each of those posts showed that other Redditors were on it. He did leave a quick comment on a daughter’s post about dealing with her overly controlling mother before deciding it was enough for one afternoon. Yuuri stood up and stretched, then glanced down at the sleeping poodle who was curled around his feet.  
  
“C’mon, Makkachin, let’s go for a walk.” The poodle, less limber now that he was older but no less eager, rose slowly to his feet and wagged his tail. Yuuri laughed as he grabbed the leash. “Maybe we’ll run by the park and see if there are ducks for you to chase?” Yuuri offered, leaving his laptop open on the table. Makkachin padded over and scratched at the door, and the two of them set off for a pleasant afternoon stroll in the St. Petersburg summer.  
  


* * *

  
When Yuuri arrived back home with Makkachin, he could immediately tell that Victor had beat them back. Unfortunately, the reason was because he could smell the tell-tale signs of Victor’s not-quite-right cooking wafting through their apartment. Yuuri grimaced down at Makkachin, and the poodle whined in consolation. Victor’s desire to cook was sweet, but six years of marriage had not made him a better cook.  
  
At least the smoke detector hadn’t gone off yet.  
  
Yuuri hung up his jacket by the door and walked into their kitchen, then stopped in his tracks.  
  
There might not have been smoke, but there was definitely carnage in the kitchen. Yuuri surveyed the damage. What had been Yuuri’s favorite baking sheet was a mangled, melted mess in the trash can. Sad, broken, and still uncooked pasta noodles littered the floor, and some sort of substance—flour, maybe—coated the entire kitchen in a thin layer of white dust.  
  
“Victor,” Yuuri admonished, not sure where to begin. Victor turned around from the stove, and at least had the good sense to look guilty.  
  
“What do you have to say for yourself?” Yuuri screeched. He loved his husband, he did, but Victor’s failed kitchen experiments always frustrated him to no end. Partially because clean-up always took hours, and partially because Yuuri was worried one day he’d come home and find his husband on fire.  
  
“I. . . wanted to make you a nice dinner?” Victor ventured. Yuuri sighed. Damn Victor’s million dollar smile. It was impossible to stay mad at Victor for long when he looked so earnest and sincere. Yuuri walked over and took his hand, lacing their fingers together.  
  
“Thank you, but please don’t,” Yuuri said, a smile teasing at his lips. “Ever. Again.”  
  
Victor pouted. “Fine.”  
  
Yuuri reached for his phone. He was no stranger to online ordering, even in Russia, since this was the outcome every single time Victor decided to try his hand at cooking. He didn’t have a great grasp on the language, even after six years, but he knew his menus. “I’ll order food. You clean up.”  
  
“I suppose that’s fair,” Victor mumbled. Yuuri laughed and hooked his head over Victor’s shoulder, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you later,” He said, intent dripping off his words. Victor scrambled for the dish rag.  
  


* * *

  
  
Maybe retirement had given them too much time, Yuuri considered, as he found himself browsing through r/relationships once again. Neither of them had the same demands on their time that they once did. Victor choreographed all of Yuri’s programs, but once the choreography was done there was little left to do. And Yuuri had dabbled since retirement in some various things— one being the column on skating he wrote for an online fan site—but that hardly took up the time that skating had.  
  
But, Yuuri reasoned with himself, he wasn’t ashamed of the time he spent online. It was a hobby, which was also strange. He had never had time for hobbies before. He just wished people had more interesting dilemmas today. He had already posted three “your boyfriend is terrible, break up with him” messages in the span of an hour and a half. He clicked through to the next page when one title caught his eye.  
  
**_My [35M] husband [31M] normally cooks dinner. I want to cook him a nice meal as a thank you, but always end up burning it. What should I do?_**  
  
Yuuri laughed out loud as he clicked the link. The text of the post described how the original poster’s husband generally did the cooking and made the best meals, but the poster could never properly thank his spouse because his own cooking was so atrocious. It was clear there was no actual problem in the relationship, at least not as described, because the whole thing was obviously a humblebrag and a fish for compliments about how the original poster had such a wonderful, understanding, husband.  
  
It was the type of post the other regulars on r/relationships tended to eviscerate as a cry for attention, but Yuuri had always been more sympathetic to that kind of thing. Sometimes, validation was just nice. Yuuri had married Victor Nikiforov, so he definitely understood that desire. He normally skipped over those posts, but this particular one made him think of his own absurd husband, so he left a brief message.  
  
_I’m sure your husband would be happy to know how much you appreciate him, even if you can’t cook him a nice meal as a thank-you._  
_Also, you could take a cooking class?_  
_-quadflipkatsudon_  
  


* * *

  
  
“What are you doing?” Victor asked. “You’re going to miss the rest of the movie.”  
  
Yuuri shrugged as he glanced at his phone. He twisted a little so that he could rest his head on his husband’s shoulder. “I can’t understand it anyway,” Yuuri said. Victor had put on some old Russian movie with subtitles, but Yuuri had grown bored during the first thirty minutes and started scrolling through the Reddit app on his phone instead. He didn’t really care about watching a movie at all, but he liked lazy evening on the couch with Victor, so he made peace with old movies with subtitles and weird plots.  
  
He read a couple of threads as the movie played, though he didn’t reply to any—typing up the replies on his phone was always more trouble than it was worth—and moved on to the next page.  
  
**_My [23F] sister [21F] threw out a priceless family heirloom by accident and doesn’t understand why I’m mad about it._**  
  
**_Guy in my business class [25-ish?M] asked [27F] out on a date, I said no but now I regret it._**  
  
**_My [26F] boyfriend [29M] doesn’t want me to visit his family without him._**  
  
**_I [29M] packed my husband [25M]’s bag for a trip and forgot where I put his iPad. Now he doesn’t want me to help him pack?_**  
  
Yuuri snorted, because this was a situation he was all too familiar with. He clicked the link and read the rest of the post.  
  
_My husband always help me pack whenever I go out of town and makes sure I want for nothing. I tried to do the same, but I forgot where I put his iPad and now I’ve been banned from helping him pack. What do I do?_  
  
Yuuri frowned at his phone, because the situation was a little too familiar. Eerily familiar. Surely. . . It couldn’t have been Victor posting, could it? It was clearly another humblebrag posts, since in the replies to other Redditors the original poster kept going on and on about how lucky he was to be married to his husband, but it was definitely a different username than the one from the post a few days ago, and the ages were much younger. Yuuri knew sometimes that people skewed their ages slightly to for anonymity’s sake, but this wasn’t even a particularly embarrassing question.  
  
Yuuri looked up at his husband, who was still concentrating intently on the movie.  
  
There was no way, Yuuri told himself. For one thing, Reddit was anonymous, and he knew his husband well enough to know that Victor liked taking credit for literally everything. His Instagram page was proof of that. And sure, the situation was familiar, but not necessarily unique. Whoever was posting these—if it even was the same person—would get tired soon. There were way more interesting problems to read about anyway.  
  


* * *

  
The person did not get tired.  
  
Yuuri, along with everyone else, was sure it was the same person. There was a distinct pattern. The ages changed slightly, but each thread was always about two married men. The original poster always made his husband sound like the most amazing person ever, and in the process managed to make himself look quite incompetent. That, more than anything, made Yuuri think it probably wasn’t Victor.  
  
Probably.  
  
Still, he kept an eye out. The replies to the poster began to take on a tone of annoyance, though the poster seemed either to not realize or just didn’t care, since they replied happily to almost every comment about how great their husband was. Unfortunately, the frustration of the other Redditors just lead to the mystery poster making “need advice” threads even more ridiculous.  
  
**I [32M] have to do laundry twice a week now because my husband [28M] keeps wearing my clothes, but I don’t want to ask him to stop because he looks so good in them. What should I do?**  
  
Yuuri glanced over the replies, most of which were some variation of _“please stop posting these, you’re clogging up the feed”_. Yuuri smirked as he wrote his own response.  
  
_Buy more clothes._  
_-quadflipkatsudon_  
  
By the time he was done posting actual advice for people who had actual problems, there was another thread from the mystery poster at the top of the page. Yuuri shook his head as he read, because this one was the height of ridiculous.  
  
_**Our dog likes my husband [31M] more than me [35M]. I’m jealous but I don’t blame him because I like my husband best too. How do I handle this?**_  
  


The replies were the mess Yuuri expected them to be, though he did catch one reply from the original poster to a particularly testy comment.  
  
_If you met my husband, you would like him best too._  
_-singleloop_  
  
Yuuri blinked, then read the username again. The r/relationships subreddit was filled with so many usernames that Yuuri never really paid attention to them, but this one is a skating term. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Yuuri tried to find the old posts from the same user in the archives. After some investigative work, he managed to find most of them. All the usernames were different, but had one thing in common. _Quadsalchow, doublewalleyjump, flyingsitspin._  
  
It _was_ Victor.  
  
It had to be. Not only were some of the situations spot-on, but Victor was probably the only adult in the world to have the capacity for such foolishness. And Yuuri was sure the ridiculousness didn’t stop there. No, he knew his husband, and he was certain Victor had some sort of half-cooked plan stewing around in his brain. He probably planned to print out all the threads, decoupage them, and present them in a scrapbook as an anniversary present.  
  
Of course it was his fucking husband, bragging about him. Were the thousand of pictures Victor insisted on sharing on instagram that were always hashtagged **#perfecthusband** not enough?  
  
Of course they weren’t. Yuuri thought Victor’s enthusiasm for talking him up to literally anyone at anytime had been a newlywed thing, but six years in and if anything, Victor had only increased in vigor when it came to going on and on about how wonderful Yuuri was.  
  
Yuuri had half a mind to go wake Victor up from his mid-afternoon nap, but took a deep breath and talked himself out of it. If Victor wanted to play this game, then so would Yuuri.  Despite all his time on r/relationships, Yuuri had never posted before. He’d never really had a reason too, because he was happy and secure in his marriage. It wasn’t perfect, of course. In six years, they had argued, snapped at each other, and made each other cry. But Yuuri had never doubted the strength of their marriage, and often felt grateful for that as he scrolled through and read stories that bordered on everything from heartbreaking to weirdly hilarious.  
  
But now, after two years of lurking and commenting, it was time.  
  
_**My [31M] husband [35M] keeps making posts on this subreddit to humblebrag about me.  How do I get him to stop?**_  
  
Yuuri stared at the empty screen for a moment. In the end, he didn’t need to think of anything witty at all, as it turned out only a sentence was needed to sum up the entire predicament.  
  
_Victor, I know it’s you, PLEASE STOP._  
  
Yuuri stretched and poured himself a glass of water before sitting back down at his laptop. He refreshed the page, astonished to see there were already several replies. He read the top upvoted comment:  
  
_Will you two just get a room already?_  
_-throwaway00000022229999_  
  
Yuuri’s fingers flew over the keyboard before he even thought about it.  
  
_Already have one, thanks._  
_-quadflipkatsudon_  
  
He wasn’t normally glib on the threads, but he figured a user posting behind a throwaway didn’t deserve more than that. By the time the reply posted, there were already five more comments.  
  
_So I thought your husband’s humblebrags about you were annoying at first but now that I know it’s about a frequent poster on this sub it’s kinda cute!_  
_-fairylightsfairynights_  
  
_How did you two end up married anyway?_  
_-trexroxsocks_  
  
_Is your husband really as bad as cooking as he makes it sound?_  
_-rrrrrriot87_  
  
_This is a weird question, but are you two figure skaters? Both your usernames have skating terms. I think I might know who you are?_  
_-iceicemaybe_  
  
_Why does your husband brag about you so much?_  
_-throwawaaaaaay888929292_  
  
Yuuri looked at the comments in disbelief for a minute before slamming his laptop shut.  
  
“VICTOR!” He shouted, stalking towards the bedroom with his phone in his hand. It was Victor's fault they were in this mess, and Yuuri was determined that Victor, and Victor alone, would get them out.  
  
“Fix this,” Yuuri said, handing his phone over after he not-so-gently woke his husband up. Victor blinked in confusion at the thread.  
  
“Eh?”  
  
Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Victor, did you not think I would realize?”  
  
Victor pouted. “You can’t blame me for wanting to brag about you!”  
  
Yuuri crossed his arms and huffed, trying to keep his face stern and not let on how endearing he found his husband as he threatened, “Answer their questions or no kisses for a week.” He paused, letting the threat sink in as Victor began typing a reply from Yuuri’s account on the phone. “And I mean it!”

**Author's Note:**

> So this whole fic spawned from this [ headcanon](https://burningphoenixwings.tumblr.com/post/156816814453/headcanon-after-they-retire-from-skating-yuuri) I shared on Tumblr. A big thanks to [espritneo](http://espritneo.tumblr.com/) for chatting with me about it and letting me use their contribution of Victor's "my husband won't let me pack for him anymore" predicament.
> 
> Feel free to come chat with me about these dorks in love over on [Tumblr!](https://burningphoenixwings.tumblr.com)


End file.
